- - untitled

This aint no pom, more like a story.
a fairytale at first.
The dream a grl once had when she was younger but now shes older and things are becoming more clear.
And for once in life, she realize how fuckedup life is;
rather how fucked up her hand of cards is tht life dealed her. . .

Once upon a time, this beautiful young lady wrote, wrote abt her life. Her wonderful life where she had the best boyfriend and great friends, lovely parents. There was never no fights conflicts or anything. And her daddy. . .man her daddy was thee BEST. She felt loved and wanted. No harm could be done to her by boys, girls, NOBODY & NOTHING. Not as long as her daddy was there. She didnt have to cope w. low self esteem;heartache;depression because her daddy was always there to make her feel better. She never had to feel used by boys;Or beaten. bcause her daddy was always there to protect her. NO;She never had to deal w. the hardships of life because her daddy was always there for her. . .

But in REALITY the "beautiful grl" dnt have a wonderful life;not even a good one bcause shes incomplete. . or so she feels incomplete. She dnt have great friends bcause when she need them, half of thm wont even pick up the phone or even text her back;bcause i guess they jis' dnt care. Her parents arent the best damn thing either. The fights the conflicts, they was ALWAYS there. And her father, he was a shitty one. She felt unwanted & unloved. As a yung grl she was bullier, grew up & taunted;the words the grls would say, wouldnt hurt her externally 'but internally but she ddnt show it hurt her -- at least not in public, in the safety of her room she felt refuge w. paper & pen. And when she needed her da' the most he was never there;couldnt protect her frm all the DJ's, DAndre's, & the other boys in the world. Used & Abused by these so called boyfriends but daddy was never there. When she was coping w. depression, did daddy answer his phone? NO. a permanent scar on her body is the reminder tht HE was nevr there. Dealing w. life & the hard time tht came w. it . . he was nevr there. Even the good times, he wasnt there;Nevr was there. .

Do you know how it feels to lie, to make it seem like i have the best relationship with you? Like you always been there, the reason my friends nevr saw yu was bcause yu was jis' workinq to qive me the qood life. Thts what i told ALL my friends, at evry important event;like 5th & 8th qrade qraduations, thts why yu aint celebrate my birthdays w. me. To be jealous of my friends bcause they ACTUALLY have sombdy in their lives to call there fathers.

THE SUCIDAL THOUGHTS; YOU WAS NEVR THERE TO STOP ME FRM HURTING

MYSELF. YOU WAS NEVR THERE WHEN I CRIED BCAUSE OF THE SHXT I WAS GOING

THROUGH. GET IT? YOU WAS NEVR THERE JOHN. HOW CAN YU SIT THERE & HAVE

THE ORDASITY TO CALL YOURSELF MY FATHER?! HOW CAN YU EXPECT ME TO CALL

YOU THT, HUH? WHEN YOU -yes you- WAS NEVR THERE?!